Doing What We Can in Times Like These #MentalHealth

In light of all the heaviness in the world - as well as May being Mental Health Awareness Month - I have been doing more than my usual to regulate my nervous system and maintain my peace. In hopes that some of the things I have been doing may be helpful to someone else, I would like to share.

Our Plan or God's Plan?

I was doing some reflecting and thinking this morning on a few things, and my husband and I's relocation to another state came to mind. If you don't know the story, we got married and about 7 months later, I was pregnant with our son. We lived in Maryland at the time, and it was just us - no family. We agreed (before we were even expecting) that the best thing would be to move closer to our family so that when we do have a child, we would have help. Because, you know, it takes a village. As much as I loved Maryland, something in my spirit was telling me it was time to go. And I couldn't ignore it. 

Protecting Your Energy with Boundaries

I was having a conversation with a good friend some time ago about how she and I often attract people who seek advice or want a listening ear. It's a beautiful thing to have others see you as someone you can trust. But, occasionally it can also become draining of our own energy if we are not careful and fail to enforce necessary boundaries. Being someone who *used to be* a people-pleaser, enforcing boundaries with others hasn't always been easy. Especially for those I care deeply about, like close family and friends.

Working on My Fitness, Y'all

Ya know... I have to be honest. Exercise is just something I never really loved. Throughout my life, I have exercised here and there. Never truly consistently and for longer than maybe 6 months at a time. As I have gotten older, though, AND after having a child, I am finding it quite necessary to work out just to feel better physically, keep up with my toddler and my daily tasks, and to be healthier overall and tone up! In the last month, I have been implementing small changes to get myself active again.

Taking Care of Ourselves

Well, I take a little break, and come back to a global pandemic and experiencing racial tension like never before. Maybe I should say, the racial issues are more out in the open than they have been in quite some time. But I didn't come to post about that today. To be honest, I have been talking so much about all of the events of 2020 and I am just exhausted. I am sure you are, too. We have been hit with trauma after trauma, with little to no time to process one thing before the next thing hits. I have been working through this, and trying to figure out ways to make life a little easier for myself, and my family - if at all possible. I want to share with you some things my husband and I have been doing that may help you, too.

Brief Intermission...

To be honest, the world has been so heavy to me even more so lately. With the political mess, constant bad news being reported (both online and off), overwhelming social media consumption, and people using me as their constant vent-piece -- I needed a break. I decided to take one, and to take my own advice mentioned in a previous blog post from 2016. This past Sunday, I removed my social media apps from my phone indefinitely. It's definitely helping, not constantly seeing everyone else's life and trying to keep up with hundreds of people on a daily basis.

My childhood and adolescent years were internet free. Times were a bit slower. I miss that. The internet wasn't even a thing until I was mid-way through college, so I've lived half my life without all of the additional noise. To be honest, most days I'm still not used to it. I need breaks, time to process thoughts before I'm presented with the next thing. I admire people who can go without any online presence whatsoever - I know a few. Who knows, maybe one day, I can do the same.

Until then... I'm enjoying my quiet time and quality time with my husband, my son, and the rest of my close family and friends. I'm focusing on them, and being present instead of having my face in my phone, missing priceless moments. I may even have time to update this blog a little more, get more creative ideas. What I do know, is - I am definitely looking forward to learning what God wants to reveal to me in this season. :)

xo
KeetaRay

My Loc Journey

In June I decided I needed a change. I had been toying with the idea of loc'ing my hair for a few years, but was afraid to commit in the past because I like to change my hair so often. I also didn't know just how versatile locs were. I realized over the years I was either covering my hair with wigs, weaves, braids, or twists, or just wearing my own natural hair in a bun or puff. I started to hate doing my hair, and I would choose styles that would allow me to not have to deal with it for some time. I went natural back in 2008 and have experimented a lot in the last 10 years. Now, with being a mom and just more responsibilities in general (i.e., less free time), I'm looking for simplicity in anything I can. That includes my hair. I also just think locs are beautiful. When I decided to loc my hair, I started a private board on Pinterest just for locs . I started watching YouTube videos on how to start them and maintain them, and found so many women on Instagram whose locs I admired. I made the appointment last month for starter locs in July (the loctician I went to was super booked and that was the soonest I could get. Mind you, I was super excited and having to wait was KILLING me Lol). I didn't even tell anyone, just my husband and my sister. I didn't want to give space for any possible negativity (you know how some people are and how they can be close-minded).

Here is a pic of my starter locs on Day 2. I pinned the coils up on one side.

pinned up on one side

Below are some pics of my hair before getting my starter locs, and how my hair is now with them. The loctician used the comb coil method and diamond parting (this parting method shows less scalp which is perfect for me because my hair isn't super thick - though it appears to be in pics - it's an illusion).

Gratitude

It's so easy to get caught up in the mundane day-to-day tasks, but when we stop to actually realize how blessed we are, it changes everything. Just a super short blog post today to remind ourselves to stop, breathe, and be thankful for life.

xo

Mental Health Awareness + Postpartum Depression

My beautiful son is 2 months old. I love him more than life itself, more than he will ever understand (until maybe he has children of his own someday). I am enjoying the moments I get to spend with him each day, watching him grow (too quickly, might I add), and learning his personality. Being a mother is a blessing, and I am truly grateful.

At the same time, I am also battling postpartum depression & anxiety. I worry about my son so much, I always want to keep him safe and want to monitor EVERYTHING. I do my best not to operate in this fear, and instead to operate in a place of love. It is a daily struggle and something I have become aware of, and am working through. As a new mom, I am navigating these new experiences best I can. Trying to incorporate this new life into my current life. Learning how to raise a respectful and God-fearing little human. Doing my best day by day... but I noticed I had been so hard on myself.

Entering Motherhood...

With the arrival of our Baby Boy recently,  I have really been taking this entire experience in... just enjoying every moment, because babies grow up so fast. I am especially grateful for the additional paid time off my job has offered so that I have time to bond with our son, as well as the love and support my husband and I have received throughout this journey. Being a mom is something I wasn't sure was in God's plan for me, so sometimes I still can't believe this is my life. I am so grateful.

Our son was born on March 12th, 2018, and he is so perfect. I find myself just staring at him sometimes, and this morning when I went to change him, I just sat with him in my arms, and started to cry. I am truly just amazed at how God has been working in my life since I started trusting Him more and doing what works for me and my family. Reflecting... yes. I've been doing that a lot.

I already know I have a lot to learn about being a mother. I'm taking things day by day, and enjoying the little moments. But, I know he came at the perfect time for us. You never feel 100% ready to be a parent, but I know God's timing is absolutely perfect.

And I am not worried about the superficial things, like getting my body back asap, or having the latest and greatest in baby products, or proving myself to be this "super mom". Not at all. I'm taking things day by day, focusing on the important things. I often think about the wisdom I want to pass on to our son, our mommy-son experiences as the years go on. I do my best to take care of myself so that I can be the best mother he needs.

Also - I know over the last few months my blogs have been about baby and pregnancy and marriage. I will be writing about other topics soon, but I really wanted to share what was currently going on in my life with you all (because these are huge life events for me).

If there is anything topic-wise you'd like me to write about, let me know. It could be a beauty post, spiritual, etc. I will be back soon!!

xo

Embracing it all

I was talking to a close friend just a few days ago about embracing all of the changes our bodies go through as women to carry a child. I'll admit - I had often been afraid of what my body would do and how it would change when I ever became pregnant. This fear was more prominent in my 20s. I couldn't imagine things not being as tight or unflawed as they were (Lol). So many women are more than eager to share their horror stories of how their bodies used to look one way and then after kids, it all went downhill. I used to buy into that fear. Since getting older, and actually becoming pregnant with this beautiful boy growing inside of me, all of those thoughts dissipated. Sure, I had gotten some comments from some women here and there, telling my face was fat or I was "huge", but my sister and a good friend of mine got me all the way together. And I realized - what is happening in my body and to my body is a beautiful thing! How dare anyone try to make me feel bad or gross when there are so many women who would give anything to have this chance? To carry and bring forth another life? God has made our bodies these super powerful and miraculous vessels - I still can't fully wrap my mind around it when I sit and really think about it. Now, I look in the mirror and I embrace and accept and LOVE the new stretch marks on my thighs and butt, the way my face looks fuller and "motherly", and my ever expanding tummy. It's beautiful. I've had my husband take so many pictures of my body because I want to remember this, always. I want the memories of what God is allowing me to do right now in my life, and I celebrate it. So, if you are pregnant, or have been, and feeling bad about your body - don't allow anyone to body shame you. More importantly, don't body shame yourself! Your body will do what it needs to do in order to do this beautiful thing. Don't stress about the "snap back". Do all you can to be healthy and active, and enjoy the journey.

<3 KeetaRay

As 2017 Comes to a Close...

Christmas has come and gone, the New Year is just a few days away. 2017 is coming to a close. From what I see online, and based on the events in the world this year, most of you are ready for 2018. I totally understand. I have been trying to focus on the positives, myself. I've had many great experiences in my life this year, and I am looking forward to next year being even better. I hope you can also reflect on the lessons learned and make 2018 more rewarding.

For awhile now, I'd say since maybe 2015 or 2016, I've periodically been taking a step back to just regroup and focus on what is important to me and my life. Something I've learned about myself is that, though it's great that I can be dependable and loyal and all that, I was constantly putting my own needs aside to support many who had no interest in supporting me or learning anything about who I was. I had to ask myself why, and STOP doing it. It was really hard for me, as these were people I held dear to my heart. But my efforts were never (or, very rarely) reciprocated. It became exhausting. Relationships can't be one-sided. Letting go was one of the best things I've done for myself this year, and that is why my own personal life has blossomed, I am sure. I've also been approaching a lot in life with a "less is more" attitude. It really helps me to keep it simple and find the beauty in everyday things that we overlook. I'm continually renewing my mind, and I look forward to what's next.

I pray that you all have an amazing New Year! I'm excited to be celebrating my 1-year wedding anniversary on NYE, enjoying my time off from work, and spending quality time with my family.

xo

12/31/2016

Reflections + Updates

The last few months have slowed me down a little bit, and I've had some time to process and reflect on things. This past year has been AMAZING for me, but it's been moving SO fast that it's nice to have some time to enjoy the blessings. I've also been re-evaluating my relationships with people in my life, which I do from time to time. It's good sometimes to see how things fit in your life as things change and as you grow. In less than 30 days, I will be celebrating my 1 year wedding anniversary. Our family has had a ton of milestones this year, with birthdays, my husband and I relocating, to preparing to welcome our first child together in a few more months. So, to be able to take it all in for a moment is so needed right now.

Speaking of welcoming my 1st child... My pregnancy has been going well so far. There have been no complications (thank God), just the typical pregnancy symptoms and aches/pains (which no one warned me about, btw). The hip & lower back pain, and occasional round ligament pain, are something else. My body pillow that hubs got me a couple months ago helps most nights but doesn't fully eliminate the discomfort. My workouts have been lightweight -- just walking a few times a week, and doing prenatal yoga stretches. I think this week I will start some light strength training (think squats, lunges). My weight and measurements are on-target according to my Dr, so - so far, so good. I've just been listening to my body and taking it easy when needed. On social media, I've been keeping things low-key. It's funny, I thought I'd be sharing every little thing online, but now that I am actually pregnant, the pregnancy and baby have become so personal to me that I'm very protective. There are some things I'd like to keep just for hubby and I, and now I do understand why some women choose not to share until much later or even when the baby is born. You open yourself up to lots of questions you may not want to answer (for whatever reason), and lots of opinions that you didn't ask for. Outside of that, people have been supportive and loving for the most part, and I appreciate that!! <3

Getting Real + Defining Your Standards

Every now and then, I see a quote online that really resonates with me. I saw this a few days ago, and it sparked something in me. "Get honest with people about who you are, what you want, and how you expect to be treated. Standards only scare off the people not meant for you." (When I saw this quote, there was no tag of the original poster, so my apologies for not knowing where this came from.)

Birthday + Thoughts

Good Morning, Beautiful People!

I hope everyone is doing well.

What to Do When You're Just Not Feeling It

If we're honest, we can admit we've been here a time or two (or, more) in our lives. What we used to love and enjoy just isn't fulfilling to us anymore. Things we used to do, we don't even desire anymore. We just feel... blah.

Can I be real with you?

Moisturizing is Necessary for ALL Skin Types - Yes, OILY skin, too!

It may be obvious to most people why someone with dry skin needs to moisturize daily. Dry skin needs moisture. But there is a common misconception that those with oily/combination skin, or even normal skin (i.e., no excessive oil production but also not dry), don’t need to moisturize. Know this: Skin can be oily, but dehydrated. 

With oily skin, there is an overproduction of oil (sebum). While it can be a pain to deal with, the benefit is that your skin won’t wrinkle as easily or as quickly as you age (think of the oil like a protective barrier). However, I know no one wants to walk around looking greasy (I don’t Lol) – so to combat that look, exfoliating twice a week and drinking plenty of water daily helps reduce that. Just know that you can’t permanently get rid of your oily skin. (Sorry)

Oily skin can also lack moisture. I’ve seen many clients who have oily skin which is apparent with their pore size, but it’s dehydrated at the same time. Is your skin oily yet flaky in some areas? Then this could be the case for you. If you have oily/combination skin, you still need to moisturize daily with an oil-free one, and water-based, moisturizer. Pay attention to the ingredients. Water should be listed first. Natural ingredients are best, but use what works for you. Using a good water-based moisturizer will allow your skin to be hydrated without over-producing oil. 

Pic credit: livestrong.com

Here are my 2 favorite moisturizers: Aveeno and PreventAge.

Let me also add this: Many people look for that miracle product to help them have amazing skin, but I can tell you from experience that while products can help a lot from the outside, your INSIDE has a huge impact on the appearance of your skin, as well. Take inventory of the foods you consume (lots of processed stuff? Sodas? Not drinking at least half your body weight in liquid ounces of H2O daily?) Be honest with yourself about your dietary habits and make the necessary changes. 

One more thing: Never, EVER, sleep without properly cleansing your face and NEVER EVER EVER (I don't care how late it gets or how tired you are) go to sleep with makeup on. I mean, ever. You'll be causing more damage than you know. <3

xo

KeetaRay

Confrontation: Why We Avoid It and How to Approach It

I was watching a show last night (rare), and someone spoke on confrontation which made me think about some things in my own life. If you're not one of those people who say, "I hate confrontation!", you've certainly heard someone else say it. Let's be clear: most people do NOT like it. People don't generally walk around looking for it. It's uncomfortable, you don't want to hurt another person's feelings, and you may or may not just be an overall people-pleaser. I get it. But the thing many of us don't realize is, when we avoid confronting someone about something that may bother us, or if we are unclear in our intentions about something, it will lead to an even bigger confrontation down the line - the VERY THING WE WANTED TO AVOID in the first place! Proper communication with the people in our lives is key. And believe me, I haven't arrived in this area. But I have learned a lot from past mistakes.

7 Ways to Protect Your Space + Your Peace

It's so easy in this day and age to quickly become overwhelmed in our day-to-day lives. Not only do we have our daily responsibilities with work/career/family, but we are constantly "on" (i.e., engaged) non-stop via our phones with all the social networks, texts, emails, etc. We never give our brain a chance to REST. Being pulled in so many directions constantly eventually takes a toll.

Here are some things I do when I'm starting to feel overstimulated and downright stressed with the responsibility (or, expectation?) to stay connected: